an afternoon.

I am eavesdropping on a conversation about Starbucks. And since I am in a locally owned coffee shop, the tone is inevitably negative. I understand, completely. I agree, mostly. And that's what is sad. How am I able to continue there knowing that there is a moral conflict that goes on within? I guess because the bills must be paid, and I am not fond of a desk job, and they have great benefits, and I love my boss, and the moral conflict has to do with the integrity of coffee and small business and not murder. But, I can't continue for much longer, this I know. My patience with having to explain the difference between a frappuccino blended coffee and frappuccino blended creme is wearing thin.

I have been batting with insecurity in leaving this place for the land of the morning calm, as you know, for the past few weeks. Teaching English to Korean children was my way out of this corporate giant mess. But it isn't anymore, for now. I don't have the emotional energy to go into the details at this juncture in the day. I just know that it's not time to leave Tulsa. I should know, and I don't. So I am not.

Which means, and you would know this already if you are inclined to deductive reasoning, that I must find a new way out. In other words, a different job.

I enjoy the setting if a university, and building relationships with people, and work that is about people and not the bottom line, or increasing productivity, or escalating sales. There is a possible position coming available for a residential director, the person that oversees the RA's, among other things, at TU. I would really enjoy that, and I am going to apply.

In reference to my decision to stay here for a while longer, and my reluctance to let go of this blissful season of life, I am excited about spending the summer in my house, with my roommates. I love love love my house, and as shallow as this may appear, don't be fooled, because it isn't; I want to spend all four seasons in that house. That lovely old house that is the age of 96.I also want to savor the time with the roommates that I become more thankful for with each day that passes. My mom sent me some pictures of shoes of mine that she was going to get rid of, asking if there were any that I wanted to keep. When I looked at the picture, these shoes and the feelings I got when I looked at them, were reminiscent of the feelings I feel when I think of summer spent here.