mulling it over, again.

Sometimes, when questions arise, it's best to go back to a point that anchored you sometime before. Fear will come, and happen, whenever there is impending change. And I don't want to make my decisions in life from a place of fear. I don't want to not do something because it kind of scares me. In fact, it's more accurate to say I want to do something because it kind of scares me, because you know what that means? It means some kind of growth is inevitable! And I love growth.

I said this in a post that I titled "Clarity"...was it? After rereading it all, me thinks yes.

"And the other reason I love the way that all of this talk impacts my future: My ultimate hope, as stated earlier, is to be a really great mom. When my son or daughter has grown too big for me to hold them in my arms, and then grown big enough to realize how big the world is, and they tell me that they want to move to South Africa or New York City or Mexico for whatever reason that stirs their heart, I want to be able to look back on my life and my experience, and tell them how much I will miss them, and also to go for it. And so I am not just making this choice for me, but also for that little being that all of me will greatly effect."

That wasn't the only paragraph that got me, but maybe the most true in regards to how the decision impacts my future, a future I feel so very strong about.

Truths:
I don't want to spend my life at Starbucks much longer.
I can't think of a job I want to do instead that would lead to anything else.
I would like to go back to school; culinary school, or pastry school, or for writing, or law school (a new thought)), or some kind of psychology, or for LIterature, or, have I said writing yet?
I don't want to go back to school until I have paid off some of my student loans.
I can't pay off my student loans with the amount of money I currently make.
I love other cultures.
I love challenges.
I have no real ties here that would keep me from going somewhere else, and I know that deep down the tie I am still barely holding on to is not right for the now.
I crave change, get excited about the unknown.
I don't want to be complacent.

so the question: how can I not?
the reality: it isn't/wasn't a fleeting notion.
the deciding factor, in light of the truths and fears: what do I want?

thoughts from any of my readers that help me see outside of my own scope? would be appreciated. If you know me, you know this about me: I love giving my opinions. what you may not know: I like reading yours.