my very own soundtrack.

The thing I am loving about this is that I can write whenever and whatever I want. It doesn't even have to be good. And some would encourage me to write it all, post it all, as that is how we fine tune our craft, by repetition and seeing mistakes in print and doing it different the next time.

I am listening to The Scientist by Coldplay. And it is my favorite song of theirs, ever. Lyrically, to me, it's beautiful and tragic and difficult and real, and deeply, who wouldn't love being apologized to because they are unaware of how lovely they are? Musically, it's has some really great guitar moments. And something in the combination of those two factors gets to me. It's like when I was eating brownies in the living room a few nights ago and a Ray LaMontagne song came on as I was taking my first bite, and I almost shuddered. The combination of Ray and homemade chocolaty goodness somehow exemplified my aloneness. I quickly reminded myself that I was actually surrounded by some of my very best friends at that exact moment, and so I got over it.

Now Alanis Morissette is singing Mary Jane and when I was a girl I had an affinity for this song because Mary Jane and I have the same initials. And the song addresses honesty, which I love. One of the lines in the song says, "I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane. You ever wonder who you're losing it for?" There was a time when my life spoke of that truth, and I did wonder, and couldn't answer.

My alarm continues to go off, because I had it set for ten AM, and I got up earlier than that, and made blueberry pancakes that almost made me cry. And as I sit here, I refuse to get up from the table to turn the damn thing off, because I am comfortable and in the middle of something and thanks to my itunes music library and the volume button on my computer, I can't really hear my alarm anyway. It's similar to what you hear when someone says your name and you look around to find out who it was, and there isn't anyone there, which means you imagined it. So Ingrid Michaelson, and December Baby, thank you for making the end of your song so chaotic that it helps drowned out the terrible sound of my alarm in the other room.

Song over. I can hear it again. Time to get up, return to reality, and turn it off.