very. cloudy.

Brooding mood is how I would describe my state today. Many acts of disappointment filtered throughout. Hungry most of the time. Agitated. Annoyed. Not enough.

I came home to a warm and toasty house, as we are queens of conservation and have stood against the gods of air conditioning. I walked into this warmth post excessive bouts of disappointment, meaning the heat added greatly to the agitated state.

Then I fell asleep, because that's all I could do.

And then I woke up, and attempted to shut the mind off by acts domestication in the form of laundry. And then I decided to go for my walk. As I wander into the living room to put something away, I see the rain pouring down outside. The warm, spring rain. Warming up my house and inhibiting me from taking my leisurely afternoon walk. Disappointment abounds.

Instead, I clean more. And then my roommate gets home, and I share with her why I am in a brooding mood. And then the other living mate arrives, and she hands me the roll of paper towels, and I throw it at the spinning ceiling fan. If you read often, you will remember why.

I am still hungry.

So I order food, because I don't want to cook in my house that's cooking itself. And I pick it up, sit on the porch with two of my best friends, and contemplate the consumption of too much alcohol. I drink one vodka based beverage, with my pacific coast fish tacos, and dream of beginning another. And then it hits me, with the cool of the post rain evening breeze: my soul needs no more vodka, but rather, a walk, to help me breathe in and then out, and then in again, and so on.

And so in I go, to take off my summer dress and put on my walking shoes. In all honesty, I didn't notice much the majority of the time. Not many simple subtle stories filtered throughout my steps. I was mostly inside of my own head, which was ok, as that was the motivator, the reality that pushed me out of our patio furniture and on the the pavement.

I talked to myself, God, etc. I was happy and frustrated. Not equally. More frustrated. Less happy. Usually annoyed. Thankful for the steps I was taking, and the relief that comes with focusing on placing one foot in front of the other. It's lessens the excessive confusion.

Toward the end of my journey, past the park and kids and ever present tightie whities, and through TU and the breathing in of academia and fraternity row, off to the business of Harvard, the street that indicates the end, I thoughtlessly looked up to my left and the setting of the sun that indicated the end of my disappointing day, and the damn cloud that took up the majority of the sky had an obnoxious, explicit, unmistakable silver lining.