I am tired. Visual picture for you: I just finished an eight hour shift at Starbucks, that began at five this morning, on the day of the week that most everyone gets paid, and also happens to be the last work day of the week for the majority of those said people, which means there are adequate funds to be spent on a mini celebration. How? By stopping at Starbucks on their way to work and ordering something really sugary and complicated. Enter Meredith. I openend yesterday as well. The bad news is that my body has gotten unused to working opening shifts two days in a row. So basically, I sit here, in this tan chair in my living room, with an aching back, sore feet, an overwhelming sense of tiredness, sipping on a Shiner Bock, with absolutely nowhere to be. And post Starbucks madness, it feels...how do I say it? Really good.
Post beer? Burp...naptime...bliss. Post-post beer-burp-naptime-bliss? New job.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
ehh. ahhh. hahaha.
Wine has the ability to induce weeping.
Desire is dangerous, and I don't like some of the side effects.
Hugs are fantastic, especially when I am feeling like I really need one, and there is something there to oblige.
I really adore my roommates, and I don't think either of them read this, so I didn't type it to score any brownie points.
Speaking of brownies, well, I like baking them, preferably while consuming wine and listening to lovely music, in my kitchen, with my apple apron on (the fruit, not the company...they don't make aprons).
My nephew is really a pretty amazing kid, wise beyond his years, fun to hang out with, gifted in social studies.
I sleep with a fan on, which helps me not hear the murderous cats outside that my previously mentioned roommates complain about most mornings.
Speaking of roommates and mornings, we made breakfast together on this one, which is such a wonderful way to begin what is and was (a) Good Friday.
I love breaking bread with the people I love, even if it is an Arby's melt and a Jamocha shake.
Rain gives life more depth.
And after a hoarding of not very related or necessary sentences strung together, some photos for your viewing pleasure. As one of my summer goals is to create my website, someday the text and the photos will be separate. Until then:
the nephew and I, having fun with photo booth.
My dear friend Chirs and I, at work...Starbucks work.
a delicious latte I consumed on a really wonderful gray day.
Izze sodas. All natural and unrefined. All yummy and beautiful.
Birthday celebration, celebrating the birth of Meredith...the ninth of February. Tonia, Ken, Renee, and George.
same celebration. different photo. Nick, Heather, and John.
Renee, cutting up a frittata that she baked in her toaster oven that, as Tonia says, "almost made me cry." So good.
Haydyn and I...my cousins daughter. I am smiling, she is distracted.
The makings of what will be a delicious pan of brownies. Much goodness in my heart when I look at that picture.
A windy Texas day with my priceless friend Houston.
The lines on the road the priceless friend stopped to let me photo.
Prior to departure, happiness and sadness existing simultaneously in my smile.
a really really tasty lunch I prepared for myself, and then had to photo. Yes, that's right. I take pictures of my food.
Desire is dangerous, and I don't like some of the side effects.
Hugs are fantastic, especially when I am feeling like I really need one, and there is something there to oblige.
I really adore my roommates, and I don't think either of them read this, so I didn't type it to score any brownie points.
Speaking of brownies, well, I like baking them, preferably while consuming wine and listening to lovely music, in my kitchen, with my apple apron on (the fruit, not the company...they don't make aprons).
My nephew is really a pretty amazing kid, wise beyond his years, fun to hang out with, gifted in social studies.
I sleep with a fan on, which helps me not hear the murderous cats outside that my previously mentioned roommates complain about most mornings.
Speaking of roommates and mornings, we made breakfast together on this one, which is such a wonderful way to begin what is and was (a) Good Friday.
I love breaking bread with the people I love, even if it is an Arby's melt and a Jamocha shake.
Rain gives life more depth.
And after a hoarding of not very related or necessary sentences strung together, some photos for your viewing pleasure. As one of my summer goals is to create my website, someday the text and the photos will be separate. Until then:
the nephew and I, having fun with photo booth.
My dear friend Chirs and I, at work...Starbucks work.
a delicious latte I consumed on a really wonderful gray day.
Izze sodas. All natural and unrefined. All yummy and beautiful.
Birthday celebration, celebrating the birth of Meredith...the ninth of February. Tonia, Ken, Renee, and George.
same celebration. different photo. Nick, Heather, and John.
Renee, cutting up a frittata that she baked in her toaster oven that, as Tonia says, "almost made me cry." So good.
Haydyn and I...my cousins daughter. I am smiling, she is distracted.
The makings of what will be a delicious pan of brownies. Much goodness in my heart when I look at that picture.
A windy Texas day with my priceless friend Houston.
The lines on the road the priceless friend stopped to let me photo.
Prior to departure, happiness and sadness existing simultaneously in my smile.
a really really tasty lunch I prepared for myself, and then had to photo. Yes, that's right. I take pictures of my food.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
staying for the summer
The general consensus is that I will live in Tulsa this summer. It was a difficult decision for me to make, many things to wrestle with, let go of...hold on to. But, as someone wise has said, I will know when it is time to leave this place...not just Tulsa, but this place I am at in my life, and I just don't know that yet. When I lived in Florida, in most aspects of the phrase, I lived alone. My brother was my roommate, so not COMPLETELY alone, but I struggled struggled struggled to find friendship. I questioned myself, the appeal of being my friend, and all of the whys as to why it was so difficult. In the midst of that, I hoped for season in life akin to exactly where I find myself today. I have a plethora of people in my life that are beginning to embody the essence of community. I am not ready to walk away from this, the potential of what it could be...they deserve more of my time, and I theirs.
And so, living in the midst of a shifting frame of mind is where I have found myself lately. I have had to let go of little hopes and excitements that would have followed the change I had thought was coming so soon, and take hold of, again, what being here for a little more time looks like. It's easy for me to section my life in relation to the natural, earthly seasons, as I am sure it is for most. Spring is here in form, if not yet by calendar days, and that change brings me joy, and brings to mind what will follow. What will follow is more in character like spring than winter, and therefor easier to remember when spring is upon me than when I am in the midst of the dreary bleakness of winter; summer.
Summer is the least of my favored seasons. I love fall with a deep love. I admire winter, and its ability to remind us all what we are able to endure. I heart springs ability to bring us out of that sense of endurance and back into the bliss that is recognized in the bright fuschia flowers that are draping the privacy fence along the alley behind my house. Summer is hot, and sticky, and humid, and forces me find ways to be more comfortable with my body, as it is unnatural and unhealthy to drape myself in thick, covering winter-like clothing in the midst of that hot, sticky heat. Alas, I am at a *season* in life where I am more comfortable with my body. I have lovely people in my life to enjoy the summer with. And so, there is an excitement in me, in regards to summer, that I can't remember ever feeling...My usual dread has been replaced with a child-like hope, and being in the center of a foreign frame of mind, I have the desire to find ways to cultivate these feelings, probably because I fear they will leave unexpectedly. So, with that, for my benefit and your reading pleasure, some of my summer-time goals:
1. To wear more summer dresses. This one is linked directly to the body thing, and the mentality that I can't wear them, even though I love them...their femininity, gracefulness, the sense of peace and confidence that flows from them.
2. To make my own website, with my own name, as I do have a .mac account to aid me in that endeavor.
3. And with that, to write more, and cultivate some kind of confidence in something that brings me so much joy.
4. To elevate my musical knowledge. I am lazy when it comes to this, even though music brings me an incredible amount of joy. I usually depend on others to open my eyes to what is out there, and though that is helpful, it's selfish, and I am selling myself short.
5. To continue to run, and to not forget all of the ways that I am benefited by following through with something difficult that I love.
6. To be in a new job, and not just a job, but a job that I enjoy.
7. To make time to read, and actually finish my winter read before summer begins!
8. To cook more, for the people in my life.
9. To give more, and find ways to be reminded that the world does not revolve around me, and that there are people out there that struggle so just to get out of bed, to eat, to care for their children, to be hopeful...and that there are things I can do to make, as cliche as this sounds, the world a better place.
10. Remember that adventure can be found wherever I am, and with that memory, create those little adventures...like the slice of impromptu basil and tomato and feta pizza I consumed last week, at a table outside with a blackberry izze soda and the bright inescapable sunshine warming my round cheeks.
Summer, you are welcome, at anytime, to begin. I am ready.
And so, living in the midst of a shifting frame of mind is where I have found myself lately. I have had to let go of little hopes and excitements that would have followed the change I had thought was coming so soon, and take hold of, again, what being here for a little more time looks like. It's easy for me to section my life in relation to the natural, earthly seasons, as I am sure it is for most. Spring is here in form, if not yet by calendar days, and that change brings me joy, and brings to mind what will follow. What will follow is more in character like spring than winter, and therefor easier to remember when spring is upon me than when I am in the midst of the dreary bleakness of winter; summer.
Summer is the least of my favored seasons. I love fall with a deep love. I admire winter, and its ability to remind us all what we are able to endure. I heart springs ability to bring us out of that sense of endurance and back into the bliss that is recognized in the bright fuschia flowers that are draping the privacy fence along the alley behind my house. Summer is hot, and sticky, and humid, and forces me find ways to be more comfortable with my body, as it is unnatural and unhealthy to drape myself in thick, covering winter-like clothing in the midst of that hot, sticky heat. Alas, I am at a *season* in life where I am more comfortable with my body. I have lovely people in my life to enjoy the summer with. And so, there is an excitement in me, in regards to summer, that I can't remember ever feeling...My usual dread has been replaced with a child-like hope, and being in the center of a foreign frame of mind, I have the desire to find ways to cultivate these feelings, probably because I fear they will leave unexpectedly. So, with that, for my benefit and your reading pleasure, some of my summer-time goals:
1. To wear more summer dresses. This one is linked directly to the body thing, and the mentality that I can't wear them, even though I love them...their femininity, gracefulness, the sense of peace and confidence that flows from them.
2. To make my own website, with my own name, as I do have a .mac account to aid me in that endeavor.
3. And with that, to write more, and cultivate some kind of confidence in something that brings me so much joy.
4. To elevate my musical knowledge. I am lazy when it comes to this, even though music brings me an incredible amount of joy. I usually depend on others to open my eyes to what is out there, and though that is helpful, it's selfish, and I am selling myself short.
5. To continue to run, and to not forget all of the ways that I am benefited by following through with something difficult that I love.
6. To be in a new job, and not just a job, but a job that I enjoy.
7. To make time to read, and actually finish my winter read before summer begins!
8. To cook more, for the people in my life.
9. To give more, and find ways to be reminded that the world does not revolve around me, and that there are people out there that struggle so just to get out of bed, to eat, to care for their children, to be hopeful...and that there are things I can do to make, as cliche as this sounds, the world a better place.
10. Remember that adventure can be found wherever I am, and with that memory, create those little adventures...like the slice of impromptu basil and tomato and feta pizza I consumed last week, at a table outside with a blackberry izze soda and the bright inescapable sunshine warming my round cheeks.
Summer, you are welcome, at anytime, to begin. I am ready.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
pitter patter and green
It's funny to me when people complain about one day of rain. It's as if it isn't sunny and seventy with no humidity, the weather is bad. I just don't get it. I love cool rainy days, especially sandwiched in between a few filled with sun and warmth. I like the variety, the reminder that things change, and the feel of cool water falling on my skin from the freaking sky...one of those things that reminds me I am alive.
Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. That's the day people wear green, because everyone else does, and it's some kind of social expectation and rule, based on the desire to not get pinched. I don't particularly like getting pinched, but I find a sinister kind of pleasure in intentionally not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. Yesterday, I wore a pink skirt and a black shirt, and I lived to tell about it.
And now, it is time for my customary post opening nap. I shall turn off my itunes, set my computer aside, leave the fan off, and fall asleep to the sound of the rain trickling down intently outside.
Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. That's the day people wear green, because everyone else does, and it's some kind of social expectation and rule, based on the desire to not get pinched. I don't particularly like getting pinched, but I find a sinister kind of pleasure in intentionally not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. Yesterday, I wore a pink skirt and a black shirt, and I lived to tell about it.
And now, it is time for my customary post opening nap. I shall turn off my itunes, set my computer aside, leave the fan off, and fall asleep to the sound of the rain trickling down intently outside.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
la-dee-da
As I typing this, I am in pain, based on which letter of the alphabet I choose to use. As I was closing at work the other night, somewhere between the water gushing profusely from the espresso machine and the making of two quad venti black and white mochas ten minutes prior to the close of the store with the use of only one machine in the midst of the gushing water, I gashed my index finger open on the hand to the right of my body. This means that each time I type a letter with the gashed finger, it hurts. Among those letters are "H" and "Y" and "N", though "N" is not as painful as the latter two because I hit it at a healthier angle.
My friend Esther had a mishap with one of the thick faded black circular objects that keep cars moving, meaning, one of her tires blew out (it was one of the important ones) on her way to the great state of Missouri, which meant instead of a five minute hello as she passed through, we had actual hours. She is a beautiful testament of change and growth, and a reminder of the goodness in life, the value in an open mind, and what it means to the people you come in to contact with. She also took many photos, which is her way...so don't be surprised if you happen to have the thrill of seeing me in my green apron. Prepare yourselves.
I was attempting to create a strawberry brownie masterpiece on the evening that preceded this one, and as I was doing many things at once and not giving the baking my full attention, I omitted the flour. It was gooey and gummy, but set surprisingly well, and turned out to be a wonderfully yummy mistake...I think that flourless brownies may become a regular happening in our house.
And as this has been therapeutic for me, and altogether somewhat vaguely and specifically pointless, it's an appropriate time to end it.
My friend Esther had a mishap with one of the thick faded black circular objects that keep cars moving, meaning, one of her tires blew out (it was one of the important ones) on her way to the great state of Missouri, which meant instead of a five minute hello as she passed through, we had actual hours. She is a beautiful testament of change and growth, and a reminder of the goodness in life, the value in an open mind, and what it means to the people you come in to contact with. She also took many photos, which is her way...so don't be surprised if you happen to have the thrill of seeing me in my green apron. Prepare yourselves.
I was attempting to create a strawberry brownie masterpiece on the evening that preceded this one, and as I was doing many things at once and not giving the baking my full attention, I omitted the flour. It was gooey and gummy, but set surprisingly well, and turned out to be a wonderfully yummy mistake...I think that flourless brownies may become a regular happening in our house.
And as this has been therapeutic for me, and altogether somewhat vaguely and specifically pointless, it's an appropriate time to end it.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
a game
I have been tagged, by amy, who has risen from the blogger underworld to entertain us with her words, and bless us with her presence. The rules of this game are as follows: I have been tagged, so I do the same thing as the person that tagged me...write eight facts/habits pertaining to me...then I tag six to eight more people, and they do the same thing that I did and so on and so on...here goes...
1. The year of 2008 has been the first year of my life that I have effectively kept and used and not lost a planner. I am not a planner by nature, therefore, they usually end up in the floorboard of my car, or under the seat, or in the bottom of my second droor. But alas, I have changed! And found the right planner fit for me. Key: it must fit in my purse.
2. I do not like carrying purses. I carry them out of necessity, which is why mine is relatively small compared to other women of the world. The necessity comes in to play because of my tendency to lose things, including purses, which is why it's not a fool proof plan.
3. I go to sleep at night with a quilt from pottery barn that was purchased for me by my uncle. He remembered me commenting on how much I liked it, saved the catalogue it was in, ordered it for me, and surprised me at Christmas. My life is littered with these stories of unmerited goodness, which I will never fully understand. It's also one of the most beautiful and eclectic quilts you will ever see, and so, because of the gesture and the quilts inescapable aesthetic appeal, I feel very blessed each night when I curl up in the fetal position and slumber.
4. I am very picky when it comes to scents that I put on my body. I do not frequent bath and body works, and I don't like anything too contrived. It took me nearly four years to go through a tiny bottle of the scent pink pepper from the body shop (they have since discontinued it)...And if I ever think I have found something good, I usually tire of it quickly. My current favorite, Flower Bomb, has yet to lose its appeal, however.
5. My favorite wine is Sauvignon Blanc, often described as "crisp, elegant, and fresh" (according to Wikepedia). I recently saved a bottle for many days to be consumed with a friend prior to a lengthy departure, and the afternoon and setting of its consumption was fittingly crisp, elegant, and fresh. It was a Kim Crawford, if you are wanting to go out and get it, and it had notes of grapefruit. Yum.
6. My cell phone battery is on the fritz, and has been since December, but I am cheap and so I just leave it on the charger a lot and deal with the fact that it shuts off, often, without warning.
7. I used to wear black all of the time. It drove my mom crazy. Seriously. Working at Starbucks has helped me outlive this habit, as I wear black (nearly) every day to work. When I don't have to I don't usually want to. I have also grown more comfortable with myself over the years, and am more confident in colors than I used to be...no longer needing to blend in in black.
8. I lived most of my adolescent and adult life on some kind of a diet, to fit some kind of a mold, imposed upon me by myself, based on what people that don't exist expect(ed) from me. I no longer diet, and in an ironic twist, I have found the balance I always striving for via the non-diet.
I tag Molly, Dylan, Renee, Erin, Houston, and Lindsay...the only people that Amy did not tag that I am aware might possibly read my blog and get this notice. Amy only tagged six, so I decided I am playing by her rules. I am not sure if all of these people have blogs. I didn't do the cool links thing for everyone's name, because I am tired and want to go to bed. If you were tagged and don't want to do it, no pressure. But if you do it would be fun!
1. The year of 2008 has been the first year of my life that I have effectively kept and used and not lost a planner. I am not a planner by nature, therefore, they usually end up in the floorboard of my car, or under the seat, or in the bottom of my second droor. But alas, I have changed! And found the right planner fit for me. Key: it must fit in my purse.
2. I do not like carrying purses. I carry them out of necessity, which is why mine is relatively small compared to other women of the world. The necessity comes in to play because of my tendency to lose things, including purses, which is why it's not a fool proof plan.
3. I go to sleep at night with a quilt from pottery barn that was purchased for me by my uncle. He remembered me commenting on how much I liked it, saved the catalogue it was in, ordered it for me, and surprised me at Christmas. My life is littered with these stories of unmerited goodness, which I will never fully understand. It's also one of the most beautiful and eclectic quilts you will ever see, and so, because of the gesture and the quilts inescapable aesthetic appeal, I feel very blessed each night when I curl up in the fetal position and slumber.
4. I am very picky when it comes to scents that I put on my body. I do not frequent bath and body works, and I don't like anything too contrived. It took me nearly four years to go through a tiny bottle of the scent pink pepper from the body shop (they have since discontinued it)...And if I ever think I have found something good, I usually tire of it quickly. My current favorite, Flower Bomb, has yet to lose its appeal, however.
5. My favorite wine is Sauvignon Blanc, often described as "crisp, elegant, and fresh" (according to Wikepedia). I recently saved a bottle for many days to be consumed with a friend prior to a lengthy departure, and the afternoon and setting of its consumption was fittingly crisp, elegant, and fresh. It was a Kim Crawford, if you are wanting to go out and get it, and it had notes of grapefruit. Yum.
6. My cell phone battery is on the fritz, and has been since December, but I am cheap and so I just leave it on the charger a lot and deal with the fact that it shuts off, often, without warning.
7. I used to wear black all of the time. It drove my mom crazy. Seriously. Working at Starbucks has helped me outlive this habit, as I wear black (nearly) every day to work. When I don't have to I don't usually want to. I have also grown more comfortable with myself over the years, and am more confident in colors than I used to be...no longer needing to blend in in black.
8. I lived most of my adolescent and adult life on some kind of a diet, to fit some kind of a mold, imposed upon me by myself, based on what people that don't exist expect(ed) from me. I no longer diet, and in an ironic twist, I have found the balance I always striving for via the non-diet.
I tag Molly, Dylan, Renee, Erin, Houston, and Lindsay...the only people that Amy did not tag that I am aware might possibly read my blog and get this notice. Amy only tagged six, so I decided I am playing by her rules. I am not sure if all of these people have blogs. I didn't do the cool links thing for everyone's name, because I am tired and want to go to bed. If you were tagged and don't want to do it, no pressure. But if you do it would be fun!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Have you seen June Bug? If you haven't, then you should.
This is one of those amazingly lovely amazingly unexpected afternoons. I am supposed to me making coffee right now, until five-thirty, actually. Multiple times during my shift did the words "I really don't want to be here," come out of my mouth. And as my nephew would say, ta da! The closer was supposed to be there at five this evening, to relieve me. But, he accidently got there TWO HOURS early, and didn't want to go home and come back again. So you know what that means; I got to leave EARLY, on one of the most beautiful and warm afternoons of the year. Right now, instead of making twelve-thousand mocha frappuccinos for spoiled twelve year-olds, I am sitting in my living room with the shades up and the sun shining in, typing about how happy I am to not be at work, while watching season two of Arrested Development.
I am hap-hap-happy.
This is one of those amazingly lovely amazingly unexpected afternoons. I am supposed to me making coffee right now, until five-thirty, actually. Multiple times during my shift did the words "I really don't want to be here," come out of my mouth. And as my nephew would say, ta da! The closer was supposed to be there at five this evening, to relieve me. But, he accidently got there TWO HOURS early, and didn't want to go home and come back again. So you know what that means; I got to leave EARLY, on one of the most beautiful and warm afternoons of the year. Right now, instead of making twelve-thousand mocha frappuccinos for spoiled twelve year-olds, I am sitting in my living room with the shades up and the sun shining in, typing about how happy I am to not be at work, while watching season two of Arrested Development.
I am hap-hap-happy.
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