I finally found the courage to leave Florida. The only place I knew to go was home, literally. I drove back across the country and moved in with my parents. It was winter, I was sad, and I wasn't running.
I was in a friend's wedding during this time, and I remember the anguish, once again - six years later - of having to fit into a dress. It was a really wonderful dress; Something that would be worn by a really wise fairy. I was completely uncomfortable with myself, and henceforth, completely uncomfortable dressed as a bridesmaid. I don't want this to seem like a weight post; I just want to express the amount of weight, physical and emotional, that running helped relieve. I remember being an emotional mess at the ceremony, and this is the saddest part, sadder than the extra weight I was carrying around. I hate that there are times in our lives when we can be so crippled with something that doesn't have to be, that we are unable to be fully present in such a joyous occasion. I was an emotional mess, and I was beating myself up because of it the entire time. I hate that I tainted one of the happiest days of her life with my own instability.
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