hungry.

It has recently been brought to my attention that I might possibly, on some days in some temperatures, suffer from low self-esteem. If you fell out of your chair just then, dust yourself off, and sit right back down so you can finish reading this blog.

I also - this is going to blow your socks off too - think incessantly about things, until they have been thunk to their death, and driven deep into the ground to rest with those that have passed. By the time I am done thinking about them, even if the things I am thinking are shiny in the beginning, by the time they have made their cycle through my head, THE LUSTER IS GONE! Gone, I tell you. Gone.

So naturally, I have been thinking today about this notion that I mention was mentioned to me, the whole low self-esteem thing. Gross, right?

It's time to bring in another guest to the dinner table of low-self esteem and over thinking. The third course will be dancing. If you fell again, just get back into the chair. Unless you got out of it to dance. Then you can finish this post later, after you've finished dancing. Dancing is the dessert.

Anyway, back to wherever I was. The task in my life that seems to be the most gratifying as of late: dancing. I can be having the shittiest of shitty days, the kind I put down in the record book of my life. And then I will eat dinner, and maybe have an americano or a glass of wine. The day is still sucking at this point. Stick with me. After dinner I may take a nap, or read something online. This may be followed by conversation with friends. Day is still at a low point here, too. And then I will happen upon a place with a DJ, or in some cases, just a set of drums. And then, I will dance.

Sounds so cliche. I know. But think back to the dinner table. While I am dancing, low self-esteem is no where to be found. Nor is the over thinking course I documented earlier. At this point, when I finish the dancing and head back home, let's pretend I pass someone on their way to my car. This is a friendly person. They mean me no harm. They are your typical Oklahoma friendly, and so they smile and say something along the lines of, "how are you doing?" My answer, at this point, without any hesitation whatsoever, would be, "I am so fantastic! Thank you for asking!" Had he asked me a few hours sooner, he would have heard a different response. The dancing turns the horrible day upside down. I've almost no recollection that the day was even a bad one.

Let's wrap this up, shall we? Right. OK. So the most recent thought: Instead of purchasing a book out of the self-help section, instead of looking myself in the mirror and saying each morning, "I am good enough, I am smart enough, and doggone it, I am worth it", what if I tackle my low self-esteem with...dancing? Right. Seeing that typed there, now, I see that it sounds ridiculous. I think that's appropriate.

So new scenario. I am at work, where it's inappropriate to dance in front of customers. But, I'm feeling pretty down, and a cycle of unhealthy thoughts enters my head, such as "No one will ever be interested in me, I am a failure, I am a horrible driver and am incapable of taking responsibility for my life", etc. I step away for two seconds, go into the pink striped bathroom, and do a little dance to the music that's somewhere in my head. Then the music and the moves overshadow the negativity, overshadowing the low-self esteem. Before you know it, I may be healed by dancing.

It's just a thought.