holiday bliss.

Hustle and bustle, Holiday rush, traffic and sales, red tag, hurry! Last minute gift ideas, we've sold out but we will have more in...check the back room, I thought it was on sale, I am sorry - it's the sweaters to the left that are on sale...sneaky sale price marking, clearly trying to fool your customers...red in the bank account...but enough gifts beneath the tree, no time left to rest...must begin the celebration, plan, pre-heat the oven, can I put the cookies in with the ham? Will they burn...ding dong, they're here...oh no! I'm not ready! The tree isn't decorated, and the ceramic elves have not been set out...here...give them some wine while they wait...careful! careful! Don't spill it! I just bought that white tablecloth! Hurry! Lift the plates! I must wash it right away! Just take the wine! I can't depend on anyone.

Last night my computer was not charging. I didn't like the prospect. I don't have many nice things. I don't spend much on toys. My computer is likely the nicest item I own, and may be worth more than my bumper car. When it's not working, I don't fall apart; I am unnerved. My work experience with Apple told me I needed an appointment, and the people I know working there now made me think that I could possibly get a little help on the sly, without an appointment, if I was kind enough. The latter was true.

I drove there at eight-forty-five in the evening, and I met a kind woman named Tammy. She located a kind fellow named Rob, and within ten or so minutes, I had a brand-new-from-the-box charger in my computer case, free of charge. My computer was on, charging, and I quickly went from unnerved to happy. While I was in the store, however, looking around, it was no longer my computer that was unnerving, but my accidental presence in the midst of all of the holiday madness.

I had worked in the midst of this madness, going against every grain of my being, for the past two holiday seasons; this had left me with so much disdain for this time of year. Being in "the holiday spirit" became a foreign concept to my retailed mind. And there I was, standing next to the couple thinking of purchasing macbook pros for their niece and nephew. The Mac specialist to my left asked them if they would rather go with the basic macbook option, as it was a little less expensive. Their response.."but isn't this one better?" "It's got more bells and whistles, yeah, but do they need more bells and whistles?" he responded. "Oh, they love the bells and whistles. Their six and eight."

Had I been holding my now working computer, I likely would have dropped it on the hard as hell concrete floor covering the apple store.

I realized it was all still happening...the excess, the rush and stress, the macbook pros being purchased for almost-toddlers.

This morning, however, when picking up my coffee, one of my favorite people in the world recounted the gift he made last night for his brother, and the help that one of his best friends offered him. He said it's the best Christmas present, in the world, for the year two-thousand-and-nine. I believe him.

It's my exit from the retail world, my homemade and undecorated Christmas tree, the gingerbread cookies we made and decorated on Saturday evening, and the homemade gifts being crafted as I type this, that have brought "the holiday spirit" back to my retail retired being.