plans.

When I arrived this morning, I had the feeling in the pit of me that I didn't want to be here. I get that way sometimes. I wanted to flee. Where could I go? I sat for a minute and thought. Then I realized that it likely wasn't the place I wanted to flee. I decided to concoct a - make Meredith want to stay put plan - and it began with reminding myself of the obvious, and reminding myself of the things that I, quite honestly, love.

1. I am sitting in the corner.

2. There is a massive, sunshine-filled window to my right.

3. There are massive trees outside, within my scope, turning all shades of autumn.

4. I have delicious coffee, something that's generally soothing to me, at my disposal.

5. I am not completely-moneyless.

5. I had planned on trying something different this morning before coming (getting a press pot), and since I like change, this plan made before leaving my house = a plus for my situation.

6. You can pour a press pot of coffee at your leisure, which means you can pour a little, and then drink all that's in your cup before it gets cold. I don't like drinking cold coffee and I get pretty disappointed when the coffee waiting to be finished in my white ceramic cup drops degrees before I finish it. This leisurely pour = a plus for my situation.

7. I have the time to sit and write about this unsettling lack of contentment.

Part two of my plan: choose music. Sometimes, walking into a place and feeling like you want to flee could come from the music playing on the speakers. It could be going against whatever subconscious feelings are going on inside of you. So choosing my own music, I thought, would likely help put me at ease. I chose Fionn Regan. He is soothing, without being too cliche. Some of his lyrics are unsettling. A good fit, I thought.

And lastly, damn it. There are some things I just can't change during the course of this morning, before I have to go into work at two. I can't get one of the friends that I am missing onto a plane, so that they can be sitting across from me, in the next few hours. It's unlikely that I will find companionship, or love, before the morning ends; romantic love and reciprocated interest will still be, to me, a social phenomenon by the time the sun sets. My debt will not disappear before work, either, and it's unlikely that today's tips will reach the double digits.

But.

It's a most beautiful day outside, and since I am about to leave this corner of discontentment, I will be able to ride my bicycle in it's midst for nearly two more hours. My coffee was delicious. Fionn helped. I am not in hunger, or poverty, or without love in my life. Even in the midst of discontentment, it's possible to feel full.