let go

Greetings!

I am loving this day. I love the color of it. The feel of the breeze, the smell of the air. The lack of control. I have felt a lot today...accomplished a lot to day, in the philosophical sense. And I feel, for sure, inspired.

I am feeling good about slowly ending this season of my life, and because of what walked away today, it is fitting that this day would represent, for me, the beginning of the end of this time...

Because of the inevitable farewell I was anticipating, I actually went out and bought a six pack of film for my camera. Yes. That's right. I do actually have to buy rolls of film in order to take pictures. And in certain situations, I always will. I love technology and innovation, but I also like the simple things...the anticipation that comes with waiting for that roll of film to be done, the unknown that comes after taking a picture...having to wait it out...having to be OK with the possibility that one of the ones you are really wanting to frame may actually not come out at all...not to be redundant, but I enjoy the process of it all. And so today, the way I heart my camera and the joy that using it adds to my life...it's back.

In light of that, I have decided to intentionally document this time, with pictures that attempt to speak of what I feel on the inside. So you, fellow human beings, can look forward to some images to go along with my minds wanderings.

And one more thing. My head hurts, and I was trying to explain this morning the fact that I don't actually own any painkillers. And as I sit here thinking about it, thinking about how it still hurts, part of not doing something to get rid of it is the desire to not be afraid to feel the difficult things. I did things to cause my head to hurt. I ate sugar late at night. I cried good, necessary, cathartic tears for longer that is healthy for my head. I didn't sleep enough. There are also a lot of things swirling around up there in the part of me that thinks...and so I am ok with giving the head time to work itself out, because I don't regret the things that I did or felt or didn't do that brought to me the current painful state of my head. More philosophy on a head-ache than is necessary for anyone to endure, but, it is what it is. Wink. And because I hurt, and because hurt is inevitable, I would rather feel that than nothing at all...I would rather feel that than complacency. And the previous sentence officially turned it into a paragraph about life, not just head pain.