blah.

I am tired. Of getting up at four. And for the day in general. I am not sure if I can do this baking/two jobs thing. I seriously thought this morning of giving up. Just walking away from what I have and into the land of working twenty-five hours a week and running when I want and not needing naps to get me through the week or day or afternoon and being able to stay up late with the people I like staying up late with and leaving the house when it's light outside instead of dark and having the mental capacity and desire to read stimulating pieces of literature; fiction and non-fiction alike.

Instead I will stick with it and be worn down and frustrated because of this thing we do in life that involves enduring something now so that something in the future will be more likely to come to fruition. What a good word. Fruition.

Soooooo. In moments like this...Where the downs are so much more apparent than the ups and life seems to be fraying more with each passing day, as opposed to, well, the opposite of fraying, I think it's important to remind myself of the ups. Like. 

new friends, like my nerdy and wonderful neuropsychological kindred spirit that is a frequent and natural reminder of the ups. 

the texan living in Korea, who used to be a new friend but has subtly shifted into the old friend category, and for face to face time with him, over coffee. 

americanos made by my climbing friend who dates the neuropsychological friend. 

the shins playing when I am feeling unattached and self-involved all at the same time. 

naps in general. 

skirts on sale for $1.99

not being completely-scraping the barrel-will I be able to eat this week-broke.

poley. 

baking delicious and wonderful treats for the world to enjoy.

honesty. 

being at a coffee shop and also being the only woman, surrounded by men, while drinking the delicious americano...no words. mmm.

learning, through years of insecurity and self-loathe, to be more of myself and less of something different, and still being liked by really wonderful people. 

DANCING. 

birthday bashes, and celebrations with good food and good people and laughs galore. 

Not all encompassing, but enough for now.