four paragraphs+four sentences=all that's there.

It's been a week since I last posted. I have accrued many things to say. 

One, as a human being that has chosen to work in customer service, since I genuinely enjoy helping people, throw your damn trash away. Really, it's yours. You may say to yourself, "I don't need to throw my trash away. It's their job." No, actually it's not. When you pick up a straw, it's yours, not mine. The little paper wrapper that encases your straw to keep it from getting all germy prior to use? That paper wrapper belongs to you as well. The plastic cup that was once filled with a caramel frappuccino? Not mine either. Let me also say that this does not apply to an nice restaurant...or full service diner. But in a coffee shop, whether it be Starbucks or the place on the corner with the really great macchiatos, these places are not full service establishments. Really, all I ask is that, in those moments when you are faced with the option of either throwing your paper cup in one of the sixteen trash cans you pass on your way out or just leaving it on the table, you think about the people behind the counter who are, in fact, people. And remember, as my mother so often told me oh so many times, "Leave things better than how you found them."

Another thing? You may not know this, since it really only applies to me, but this week has officially been deemed "Meredith's Official Tea Week". Or "Tea Week" for short. That's right. This week, each time I am faced with the desire to consume a cup of joe...black magic...liquid caffeine...I am supposed to stop, turn, and make myself a cup-o-tea. I came up with this utterly fantastic idea when rummaging through the many assorted teas we received today at Topeca, the place where I so graciously throw the trash of other people away. Orange spice...darjeeling...black currant...matte...white blossom...these are only a portion of the options I am faced with. And in a moment of honesty, I admitted to myself the fact that, unless I am intentional, I will never make time to give all of these lovely tea options a try. Thus, the coffee fast that will hopefully be the precursor to me, Meredith, tasting the teas. All of them. This week. 

And another thing: This is not meant to be self-deprecating or depressing or anything in that family of negative synonyms. It's something that any haphazard observer of my life would be able to easily deduce. I am, when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, quite challenged. This is not an easy area for me. I will go further. This area for me is more like a graveyard that has always been. Overgrown, unattended plots and heads stones with etched in dates, reminding one of hope never fulfilled, disappointment prevailing, confusion always, and emptiness, inevitably. I speak plainly about this simply because it is the reality, and I don't ever want to be afraid of what is real, or too scared to face the truth. Upon running into an old friend from any past phase of life, and facing the question, "so, are you dating anyone?" My answer is not only no, but also, actually, I never have. I invited someone to join me for coffee a few weeks ago. This was the first time in my life to have ever done anything remotely close to something that resembles anything like this action. And I say that only to say this: I was experiencing, for the first time at the age of twenty-five, the things that most of my friends were experiencing for the first time when they were ten years my junior.

There have been many emotions associated with this reality throughout the years. Currently, it's confusion. I genuinely just don't get it. I don't understand why it's so difficult for me. Not because I am something amazing, because average people find someone all of the time. Lately, this confusion has made me feel like the contents of my head may cause the bone encasing it to literally EXPLODE. And I realized something today. All of this energy and passion and confusion must be placed somewhere, if I am to keep the head exploding from happening. And so, I am going to try, with intentionality, to put these feelings toward making my life look the way I would like it to with what I have to work with. That's why I run, and also why, at the heart of things, I have labeled this week tea week. Some of that energy will be steered toward drinking, well, more tea. And coming up, some of the passion will be put toward the pursuit of pastry school. In November, I will start my second job that I have taken solely because I want to buy a new bike. And at the end, of the day or the week or the year or even my life, I will be able to say, at least, that I tried. And I will also be able to bake the best cookies EVER, served with a delicious cup of tea.

And now we reach the end of my mellow-dramatic, self-indulgent, trashy post. It's time for some soup.